The essence of emptiness

Today was the worst feeling of all. I dont know what it is, may be I was just mentally exhausted and zombified, but i feel so empty. Empty to the point of insanity. I dont even know what it is i'm writing here.. but then again.. my mind is vacuum, nothing i can do can make me in any position more motivated or any happier than anything. Kyaa.. then it all makes sense why famous people with heaps of money commit suicide.. cuz they feel empty - empty like me. I dont even understand the purpose of this post - well that's true, it has no meaning. I'm just trying to tell you that it's empty.. empty... just plain empty.

mood: empty

Updated*: Got my editted version of half of my thesis today, I don't feel so crazy anymore (^^). I guess it's just last minute thesis stress?

Klepon

Little Round Swamp Things

I remember eating these little things back in Jakarta right after school. They used to be sold in a little cart where the man that sold it sold another green coloured cake called "kue putu" and I used to buy them as soon as I get back from school. It's been my absolute most favorite kueh eversince I was little and nothing could be better.. hehe.. Then when I went to Australia, my mum learnt how to make them from this Malaysian friend of hers and I was 8 back then. I still remember how it was made in a cold night in Canberra. Anyway, i've decided to share the recipe with y'all.. syapa tau pada kangen juga :P

You'll need:

• 200 g of glutinous rice flour (tepung ketan)
• 3/4 cup of water
• Pandan Paste
• 75g Palm Sugar/Gula melaka/Gula Jawa = sliced thinly
• dessicated coconuts
  

How to make it:

1. Mix glutinous rice flour with water and 2 drops of pandan paste, bit by bit using your hands. Stop adding water when you can form a non-sticky ball.
2. Heat up some water in a pan and make sure it's boiling
3. Meanwhile, take a teaspoonful of the rice flour mix, form it into a ball and fill it with the sugar. Take care to completely enclose the sugar with the flour mix. Do so until flour mixture is finished
   
4. Place it in boiling water, when it's cooked, it'll float to the top of the water level. When this happens, wait for another 1 minute before putting it into a strainer (saringan) to let off excess water (You can make your klepon and boil it at the same time to save time)
   
5. Roll it in coconut.
   

Procrastination is the Root of all evil

I know i've ranted like a gazzilion times about the process of writing my thesis. Right now it's absolutely unbearable. U know that feeling like you know u gotta do something but you just can't seem to do it even if u know that you absolutely have to? And semua perasaan campur aduk because I've just realised that I dont know what to do at all in the following year (2007) and it's driving me nuts. One thing I know is that I'm not coming back to University to do the PhD that Trevor had assigned for me. Agh.. But if i told my parents that I dont want to do the PhD, they're get so pissed and gonna interogasi gua berjam2 tanya wat it is i want to do with my life and what's gonna happen to my career. Kyaaa... And then seeing other people are doing so well and so steady towards their life, it frustrates me even more. And the last thing is I hate having no motivation to do anything, I've never had any form of motivation. I dont know why. Trully, I'm really worried for the coming years..I feel like I'm stuck in this moment for as long as i know, but still I havent found a way out. Gr.. i hate this feeling...


Mood: Agitated

The Trip to the Vet

"ELMO HALIM" - newest member of the family

So this was the last day that we took elmo for her daily antibiotic injection - today was the third. Since tomorrow is Sunday and Monday my mum is working till late, we dont can't take her to the vet to finish off her antibiotics treatment, so I came to learn how to inject the antibiotics myself. It wasn't that hard and I learnt pretty quickly. Elmo is healing up very well..she ain't peeing blood today but the vet said that if she still pees blood, we have to desex her. Anyway, when we were leaving the vetenary, the vet gave me this pack consisting of elmo's two last injections. And.. I looked at the packet... and it had elmo's name.. but they called her "ELMO HALIM". L O L! i was so shocked!!! now elmo took up our last name!! L O L!!!! L O L!!! it was so funny I couldn't stop laughing... LoL!!!!!! Why would a rabbit have a last name?!!! Aneh2 ajahhh!!!! L O L!!!

I hope you like it, auntie..

Yesterday and the days before yesterday, I've been really really really pressurised in getting the draft of my thesis done since my supervisors are going away today to Buenos Aires for conference and my main supervisor is going on a cruise holiday with his wife and wont be back till the hand in time of my thesis. So lately I've been sleeping till 4 o'clock in the morning trying to finish off the draft and I was quite stressed. hehehe..so to unwind, i bought a small bottle of Coruba at a little liquor shop in Upper Queen St and i got it for a cheaper price than other places. Anyway, since i knew it was gb's mum's birthday, i decided to bake her the cake... it's chocolate sponge cake brushed with the coruba and filled with creamcheese and strawberries, then it's washed with white chocolate and Dark Chocolate gratings. For the sides.. I made marbled effect white chocolate which I learnt from this basic chocolate technique VCD (It's by Yonki Gunawan - if any of you are interested, there were 5 volumes). It took me the whole day to make - i mean, i had to buy the ingredients to the mall, walk around and look for the matching ingredients.. and so voila! I came out with this!! ^^ I'm pretty impressed myself... i hope it doesnt taste bad.

Elmo is sick...

My rabbit is sick... :( I'm so sad... :( I feel so hopeless like there is nothing I can do to help her.. :( She's been peeing blood for a week now, but she's still as active and eating properly.. but she's just peeing blood.. :( I'm so saddd :( Huaaaaaaaaaaa elmo... :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

GoodBye..

Hey, just recently heard that a good friend i knew from long ago.. is leaving NZ for good. We had our vacuum in friendship for quite sometime and it's just sad to know that someone is leaving. Even my other friend Leo is also thinking of an early goodbye - for he is reaching his dream job in Japan, teaching english - and also to find a beautiful japanese (or whatever nationality may she be) wife. It just reminds me that it's really sad to say goobye to a group of friends you've been close to for a good period of time, or say goodbye to the person you love the most which you spend 4 out of 7 days of your week with, or even to your parents (if you're still living with them)..even when you know you're leaving them for something that's gonna do your life some good, but it's still hard. It's like moving on to a different phase of your life - quite daunting i think. Anyway... I just want to say, you gotta cherish your friendships and your relationships.. b/c one day we'll realise it's the most important thing in our lives, the only thing that makes our lives beautiful. - *Sigh* I'm so bad in goodbyes... :(

The Triple C (Cheese Chiffone Cake)

Two butterflies

Sometimes I think we're like two butterflies.
Two trully unique and beautiful creatures yet similar in many ways.
Although it's hard, but one day we'll have to part to reach our dreams.
I hope it's not forever because I'll always wait for you in my heart.

Spiral Chocolate Buns

Hmm Yumm Yummm

Hmm... when you're hungry.. and craving for something that can tickle your sweet tooth, you can try making this pretty and cute spiral chocolate buns :)

You'll need:

Mixture A
500 g of high grade flour
1 packet of active yeast
75g of sugar
220 of cold water
1 tablespoon of milk powder
2 eggs

Mixture B
60 g of butter
a pinch of salt

Mix everything to make mixture A and then when all well mixed, add mixture B. Keep mixing until everything is well incorporated and the dough becomes elastic and no longer sticky.

Then, divide the dough into 10 pieces and let them rest for 5 minutes

Flatten each dough lengthwise and fill with chocolate chips and sesame seeds. Then roll again to make a long tube with chocolate in the middle - then form a spiral which will then resemble the picture above. Let rest for 15 minutes - bake for 15 minutes at 175C